Hi, I’m Tanya and I’m an overanalyser…
I regularly wake up at 3am with things running through my mind and can’t get back to sleep. I feel anxious in social settings in case I say something silly. I beat myself up when I get even benign feedback and I think I’ve somehow disappointed someone.
But everyone does that right? Right??
I never realised how bad my over-analysing was until I mentioned to a friend that in the evenings I replay every conversation I’ve had that day in my head and cringe at the words I got muddled, the name I got wrong or the laugh that was too loud. The pitying and puzzled look she gave me told me everything I needed to know- not everyone does that… and what I was doing wasn’t very healthy.
I knew I needed to find a more constructive way to engage in self-reflection (one that preferably didn’t involve self-loathing!).
Around the time I had this little epiphany I enrolled to complete my Cert IV in Workplace Coaching. Sitting down to complete the first module I read about self-coaching and a light bulb switched on. This simple technique changed the way I manage my self-analysis and helps me channel my energy in positive directions, not into negative self-talk.
Over the years I’ve used this basic model to help we work through professional and personal challenges and it’s been super helpful, but recently I’ve found myself slipping back into not-so-positive habits.
I’m in the process of starting my own business at the same time as raising a gorgeous but demanding toddler; while both these adventures are exciting, they are fraught with fear and self-doubt. I needed a physical reminder to stop the overanalysing and start the constructive thinking. So I created this infographic to put on my office wall.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a cure all! Sometimes you do just have to sit with the emotion of a situation to process it (or in my case sit with a tub of choc-peanut butter ice cream). But when you’re ready to dust yourself off and move on, this can be a really helpful tool to plan your next steps.
I believe that self-reflection is such an important activity for emotional intelligence- it helps us to understand the impact of our behaviours on others and identify our areas for development and growth. The key though is to make self-reflection a positive future focused activity and not a negative past-focused one.
Maetrix cover this concept in more far more detail on their website if you’re interested in EI and the impact on workplace performance.
I hope my fellow overanalysers out there find this useful. Happy self-reflecting!